And then there are these days, where I feel like I could fucking conquer the world.
I feel like writing most when I’m breaking into pieces, but sometimes I also want to register my bliss.
I’m happy for having someone by my side who is so supportive and understanding. It must be so hard, but he is always, and I mean always there for me. Ready to hold me tight when I start feeling like shit.
I never had a fight again since my last abusive relationship, in 2018, but I always feel like any time I want to express myself I’ll be replying with yelling, threats or despise. It’s a constant fear and I’m always overthinking what to say, how to say, when to say, and then what to feel, how to feel, when to feel.
I’m thankful for my fiancé’s sensitivity and how much time he spends studying, reading about my anxiety and how to help me deal with it. I actually wanna cry every time I think of it because the sick part of me thinks I don’t deserve it and the other part of me feels embraced by this divine thing called love. I want to be the best I can for him, for myself, for us.

We traveled to Germany in July, visited castles, cathedrals, stayed in cute places, held hands all the time... I will never forget being proposed in the most beautiful castle in the world!
Here we go again, between his visits here to see me, in a few days we’ll be seeing in each other again in a romantic trip to Italy. I’m so excited to see him, hug him, kiss him! It feels like living a dream...

I can only be grateful.