I like that we have So much in common. Well, I see a lot of others things that we don’t have in common, too; just not sure how important they are. You’re handsome and intelligent  and interesting and it seems so unlikely that you could ever like me... I feel like you know so much more about life than me and, listen, noone ever does that. I always think I know better.
My anxious ass is finding it hard to believe you really want me like you (say you) do. But I’m not fighting anything inside me, so I guess it’s all good. You make me happy. I don’t wanna spoil it.

Anyways... Life is just so weird and jelly.
I lie in bed at night and it’s all so peaceful I question my reality. We are what we see outside of us, but we also are this mess inside of us. I can honestly say I live mostly inside of myself than out. I wonder if I’ll ever let anyone in. Do people really know me? How come don’t people think I’m weird as fuck? It must be because when I speak myself I sound coherent, I don’t know?
I wish I knew what you think of me and who I am to you.
I have this nice life inside.
One day I’m like “we should get marry in the woods”, another day I’m like “if we just have sex and hold hands for a few days”... Then I deny it all the next second. You know, always keep both feet on the ground. But damn, my mind is high up in the sky!
I can be hours without talking to you, but honey how I think of you! It’s all the fucking time. It makes me wet and stupid. Congratulations, I’m a teenager again!
All these projections we make towards other people, the thoughts we cultivate, the chemical reactions our body produces. It’s mechanical, but ain’t it just beautiful? Whatever. I ignore the science behind my irrational. I just want to touch. y.o.u. I do, I really do.
But then, reality. This tiny apartment in this tiny city. I have no friends and I avoid situations where people can get closer to me. The fear that they will get too close and take me away from myself. My freedom of being alone in my room lying in bedquestioning life and daydreaming about... well, I day dream about me having you. Ha, sorry.
I want to do so many things, see the world, speak new languages, go on long train rides where I can look at the window while listening to my depressing indie folk playlists.
Do you know what I miss most about my time in the US? The times I was by myself going from one place to another, listening to my favorite songs, looking at the houses, the cars, the restaurants, the people living their lives. I love myself so much, I love the world inside of me so much.
How can I ever make someone part of it too? Not just a weird and unstable connection to what’s inside of me to this confusing outside world that I have so much trouble understanding.
People come and go, but they never enter. I think I don’t want them to...Will I want you to? Will you want to? Or do I just like the searching like the actress in the Millennium Actress movie?


But we should be closer. I like the chemical reactions and projections. Just come and we can explore the things we have in common  and I let you make me feel like I have a lot more to learn about life. You can make me wet and we can hold hands for a few days. Maybe I’ll picture a corny future with you without telling you, of course, because I know how ridiculous that is. We can be quiet together and I can show you my depressing indie folk playlists... so many options.
Did I say I like that we have so much in common?