I guess I was supposed to write here today. But before I was talking to him about what was on my mind.
So I’m just gonna cooy and paste my chat.
It started with me saying I was watching a movie called Millennium Actress.

In the movie I watched, the woman dedicated her whole life chasing a man she saw for a few hours in the past and fell in love with. They never met again, she only got a gift he made for her, a painting. He was running from the government because he was an activist.
So, she became an actress during her life and when she was 30+- she gave up everything and lived the rest of her life reclusive. Before she died she gave an interview telling her life story (that’s where the movie starts).
She collapsed and was taken to the hospital. The reporter new that the man she was looking for was tortured and killed by the military many years ago and she was chasing a ghost (she never knew). The reporter told her “now, finally, you’ll find the man you love” and she realized - and said - “it’s ok if I don’t find him, because what I really like is the chase”.
- He said it sounds sad -
It is. But it made me wonder if that isn’t what we do in our lives. I guess that’s what everybody doesChasing happiness But never getting there And then, in the end, will be happy with what we got... the chase was worth it maybe  There was no point of happiness at the end of the road. But then we see that the road was the best part?
I don’t know
I guess the problem is that we aren’t constant.
I may feel amazing one day and grateful for my life and then the other I feel frustrated because I can’t go back in time and change everything or I’m anxious because I can’t make tomorrow be like I wanted to

Anger can be good sometimes. Heard from a therapist one day. He said anger is better than sadness, because sadness makes us stop in time and not want to move and anger, if used the right way can give us the strength to go wherever we want to.
So maybe if we don’t feel anything, we might not do anything either
But sometimes it’s hard to know what to do or what we want 🤔
Whenever I decide I want something a lot of possibilities flood my mind. Like life Math problems I must solve before going in to what I want and I’m horrible at Math

I guess that’s why some people go to religion
Nobody really knows, so they try to find support somewhere
I would tell myself I need to meditate and find the answer inside myself. But I’m such a mess...